Mulder's Pet 'Pede
by Adrienne
Summary: Mulder and Scully search for Mulder's escaped pet.


Title: Mulder's Pet Pede  
Author: Adrienne  
Date: 2/1/99  
Rated: R  
Keywords: MSR, Angst, Humor  
Summary: Mulder and Scully search for Mulder's escaped pet.

Author's notes: This story is a complete and utter joke. It is dedicated to the AFML, especially Carrie.

Feedback welcome. [davephile@yahoo.com][1]

My website: [The SMUTfic General Store][2]

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**Chapter 1 – The Escape**

Mulder looked around the room, bored out of his mind. Saturday mornings were always boring after Thundercats was over. He didn't want to play basketball, he didn't want to write up the latest X-Filehe couldn't think of anything to do.

Until something caught his eye.

Something he hadn't bothered to mess with for awhile.

Mulder got up and walked over to the corner of the room. Closing his eyes, he slowly pulled out his two-foot long centipede.

He groaned as he felt the length through his hands. He stroked his hairy, two-foot centipede. It had been too long.

His mind wandered as his fingers absent-mindedly fiddled with the creature. He began thinking about Scully, and his fingers moved a little faster. He wondered what she was doing. Where she was. What she was wearing.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Oh God" Mulder muttered, holding his centipede still. He didn't know what to do. Should he answer, or should he remain with his centipede?

The question was answered when the door swung open. Scully stood in the doorway, smiling.

Until she saw Mulder.

He was holding his centipede within plain view of the doorway.

"Scully!!"

"Mulder! What in the he—"

In a desperate attempt at freedom, Mulder's wild centipede shot out of his hands, across the floor, and between Scully's legs. She shrieked and jumped away from the creature.

"Scully, grab it! Don't let it out!"

"Mulder, I'm not going to grab thatthing!"

Dammit, Scully!!!"

The centipede snaked its way around the door frame and down the hallway. Mulder, shocked, stumbled out to see the centipede taking the stairs down to the ground floor.

"Mulder, what the hell was that!?"

Mulder put his head in his hands. "That was my two-foot long centipede. I've had it since I was a boy. I watched it grow. But now it's gone."

Scully walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "Mulder, the centipede is out there. You just have to know where to look."

"I know." Mulder looked into her eyes. His eyes were sad.

"Why don't we go outside and try to find it before it gets run over."

"Okay."

**Chapter 2 – The Park Bench**

"Scully, I've never lost my centipede before. It makes me feel like less of a man, you know?" Mulder scanned the ground for any trace of his beloved two-foot centipede. They had walked for blocks, up and down the neighborhood. He sat down on a park bench and slumped over. Scully sat next to him, her hand on his thigh.

"Mulder, I bet if you had to go a week without this centipede you'd slip into catatonic schizophrenia," Scully said softly. "Tell me more about your centipede. I need to know what we're dealing with here."

"Well, I told you, I grew up with it. I don't remember a time when I didn't have my centipede," Mulder began. "It didn't used to be that big. When I became a teenager, it had grown to almost a foot and a half. That's the truth, too. It developed a mind of its own. I couldn't control it any longer, so I hardly ever brought it out. Just when I was lonely. When I needed companionship."

"Is it deadly?"

"It would never hurt a soul, Scully. It's as gentle as anything I know."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?" Scully asked, studying his face.

"I never thought you'd be interested in my centipede, Scully."

"Well, I am."

Mulder looked up at her, tears glistening in his eyes. "Scully, when we find my centipede again, would you like to get to know it better?"

"Mulder, I'd love to know your centipede."

They looked into each other's eyes deeply. She felt this man's pain, his sadness. She wanted to make him better so much, but she could feel less innocent desires stirring her core.

He sat up a little more and put a hand on her neck, thumb caressing her collarbone. And then he leaned over slowly, his eyes closed.

She felt herself falling into his body as her head tilted and her lips parted, awaiting the soft caress of her partner's lips that she had anticipated for so long.

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Scully jumped at the sound of a bloodcurdling scream. Mulder did as well. They looked at each other in horror.

"My centipede"

**Chapter 3 – The Pain Inflicted**

Mulder and Scully were not allowed to ride in the ambulances to the hospital where the victims of his centipede were to be treated. Mulder, hysterical and sobbing, was resigned to the passenger seat of Scully's Dodge Intrigue.

"Scully, we were so closeit was there.it was there," Mulder cried. She was confused at first but realized that he was talking about his centipede.

"Mulder, we'll find itbut we need to take care of this first," she explained, screeching her tires into the hospital parking lot.

The pair ran into the emergency room just as the victims were being unloaded.

"I'm sorry, but you can't be in here," said a man in a lab coat with glasses. He looked a lot like Kersh.

"I'm a medical doctor," Scully yelled desperately, "and we know what might have caused these people to get injured. I MUST BE ALLOWED TO TREAT THESE VICTIMS!"

"Alllllrighty then," said the doctor. "My name is Alvin and I'm the doctor on duty tonight."

"I'm Special Agent Dana Scully, and this is Special Agent Mulder. We're FBI. FYI."

Mulder waved halfheartedly from an avocado polyester chair across the room.

"Mulder, get over here and let's take a look at these victims," Scully demanded. She walked over to the people on the beds, who were howling in pain. "Oh my god, what happened to her?" Scully asked a young paramedic. The woman was laying on her stomach. It was swelled to the size of a mid-sized black bear. A small one, but a mid-sized black bear nonetheless. She had to look way to keep herself from vomiting.

"Well, the story is that a two-foot centipede slid onto Dani's stomach and bit her right in the middle of it while she was laying out. She accidentally got her hair in the flaming grill while she was running around screaming. It burned off. Her stomach is full of 400 pounds of scar tissue. We expect it to swell more," said Alvin, the doctor who looked like Kersh. He had pushed the paramedic out of the way.

"We believe that the centipede is poison," he continued. "The bite has induced a chemical reaction in her DNA that is inducing incredible tissue growth, but she is losing her hair. She may not survive."

"Do you know the man over there, Dani?" Mulder asked.

"JAMES!!!" Dani cried. A muffled hiccup came from her throat. "We call him Cheatin' Bastard," Dani sobbed. She was getting snot and tears all over the pillow. An orderly got very upset with her and took the pillow away.

They walked over to the second bed. James, who had passed out, still had an expression of pain on his face. 

"What happened to him?" Scully asked the young paramedic, who was cowering by the avocado polyester chairs. 

"James had been laying out nude on the lawn, and the centipede just crawled up and bit the hell out of his penis," said the paramedic. Mulder shrieked in horror. Alvin came running and the paramedic ran away.

"That's true," Alvin said, "centipedes tend to prey on very small things. Unfortunately, for limbs of such small caliber, the flesh bitten by the centipede blackens, hardens, and dies. This caused for an emergency amputation of the penis. It had to be done on site, without anesthesia."

"Hot damn!" Mulder cried, sobbing. "Since when did my centipede turn bad?"

"YOUR centipede???" Alvin roared.

Scully grabbed Mulder by the arm. "Thank you Dr. Alvin, we must be going," she murmured, and she and Mulder ran out the door and squealed away in the car.

**Chapter 4 – The Solution**

"Scully, I think my centipede has mutated." Mulder paced up and down the sidewalk in front of the public park where the two sunbathers had been attacked.

"I supposed that's plausibleinto what?"

"Into a powerful, deadly creature, the likes of which have been observed before," Mulder said. "Ancient Greek legend described this as the Centipenimus, or long, thick centipede with deadly qualities."

Scully looked at Mulder like he was crazy. He ignored her look and continued to pace, frantically running his hands through his hair.

"There is only one way, one way that may work to bring the centipede back." Mulder stopped pacing and stared at Scully.

"what is it?" She began to feel nervous.

"The only way we can tempt it is with tropical Truth juice. It's the only food he knows and loves."

"I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you just said, because I know it's what you just said."

"We must use the Truth juice as bait." Mulder grabbed her shoulders and looked deeply into her eyes.

"What the hell is Truth juice, and where do you get it, Mulder?"

"I make it, Scully. It's a special blend of tropical fruits, salt, and centipede DNA," he explained, his eyes sincere. "Yes, I think this may just work. The Truth juice will save you, Scully. I think it will save both of us."

She looked into his eyes quizzically, eyebrows raised. "if you weren't so damned desperate, I'd say you were insane."

"Trust me, Scully."

"I do, Mulder," she sighed softly. "Let's go make some Truth juice."

**Chapter 5 – The Trap**

Mulder and Scully stood in the park alone. Nightfall was forthcoming, and people were retreating to their houses so that they wouldn't get shot by rival gangs. In his right hand, Mulder held a cup of Truth juice that he had been laboring over for hours. 

"Well, now what," Scully said. "Just set it out and wait?"

Mulder looked at her and bit his lip. "Scully, I had an idea and I know it will work."

She stared at him. "What is it?"

He looked down. "Well, I was thinking, that it would be a really good idea iflet's sayyou laid down in the grass with no shirt on and I spread the Truth juice all over your stomach"

"What the HELL?!?!?"

"No, no, no Scully listen to me." He grabbed her arm. "The centipede is naturally drawn to the scent of a female. Your skin, and the Truth juice, could be enough to make it come."

"Oh my god."

"Scully, please."

She closed her eyes, thinking. Did the thought of Mulder spreading a sticky, hot tropical goo on her stomach sound appealing? Yes. Did she want Mulder's centipede? Yes.

Was she wearing her good bra? Yes.

"I'll do it. But I'm doing it all for you, Mulder."

"I owe you everything, Scully. And you owe me nothing," he said softly, kissing her cheek. She felt it burning as she blushed and slowly removed her shirt. She laid in the grass, his eyes grazing over her, and spread her arms out as she shivered.

"Scully, it's going to be all right. I would never let anything hurt you," Mulder murmured. He hesitated a little bit, wondering if this was the right thing to do.

"Don't think. Just pick up the Truth juice and make it happen," she whispered.

He smiled, tipping the cup of Truth juice over her stomach. The hot liquid poured over her flesh, and she sighed softly at the feeling of it. It was sticky, all right.

"There, there. Now just lay still, Scully. Don't move," he whispered in her ear. "I'll be right here."

She lay perfectly still. Minutes seemed to last for hours as she lay as bait. She bit her lip as her stomach tied in knots. She could feel some of the Truth juice drying crustily on her skin.

She heard Mulder gasp. 

"Scullyit's coming."

Scully tried to settle herself, to breathe normally, not wanting to startle it. Suddenly, she felt a tickly sliding across her stomach. And then she felt it start to suck.

"Oh my God" she breathed.

"ScullyI can't move, I'll startle ityou need to pick it up."

Her heart jumped into her throat.

"Mulder, I don't know what to do with it," she whispered in the softest of voices.

"Scully, hurryjust wrap your hand around it and squeeze. But not too hard."

Scully slowly and meticulously raised her hand up above the head of the massive centipede. She had never seen one so huge. It throbbed on her stomach. With one quick snap of the wrist, she grabbed the head and pulled it away from her.

The centipede began spewing Truth juice everywhere.

"Mulder!!!!"

Mulder ran over to her as she sat up, avoiding the whipping of the centipede. It wouldn't stop thrashing in Scully's hand.

"I want the centipede," Mulder yelled.

"You can't handle the centipede!!!"

"Give it to me now!" Mulder placed his hand on the end of the centipede. It stopped all movement and began to throb less and less. Slowly, it began to soften and rest.

Just as slowly, they both wrapped their hands around it tightly.

"It's so calm now," Scully whispered.

"It's always calm when I'm holding it," he replied, looking into her eyes.

"I think it drooled on me."

"I'm sorry," he laughed softly. She tilted her face up to him and he put one arm around her bare waist. 

"You're so gentle with it," Mulder said.

"I don't want to hurt it," she smiled. He squeezed her side and leaned down, pressing his lips against hers softly. She kissed him back, tasting his salty lips for the first time.

"Why don't we go back to my apartment," he whispered against her mouth, "and I can teach you all about my centipede."

"I can't wait," she whispered back.

**Epilogue**

Mulder and Scully enjoy Mulder's centipede at least once a day now. After they play with it for awhile, it likes to curl up between Scully's legs and go to sleep.

Scully has become addicted to drinking Mulder's mysterious tropical Truth juice.

James, the injured Cheatin' Bastard, joined the circus and became a traveling freak. People come from miles around to see "The man with his blackened penis in a jar."

Dani, the other unfortunate victim, died of infected bed sores and massive hemorrhaging due to internal swelling. Doctors weighed in the scar tissue at 600 pounds.

   [1]: mailto:davephile@yahoo.com
   [2]: http://members.dencity.com/general_store/



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